kjhdjk

I find that, like many people, I allow other people's emotions and actions towards me, cloud my own personal judgements and feelings. I have this tremendous desire to make everyone really really love me. I have this need for acceptance. I want people to think that I am the most beautiful, intelligent, and funny person they know. Is that bad? I don't think that this is necessarily the worst thing; everyone wants to be loved and accepted to some degree but I find that whenever I get the slightest negative vibe from someone, I freak out.

I think I am intuitive to a degree where I can tell if someone has changed their minds about me. I have always been able to sense when a boyfriend was no longer interested at the first sign of an apathetic shrug or indifferent kiss and it drives me absolutely nuts. Rejection and change are the things that shake me to my very core. Now, whenever I sense some kind of change, a change in reaction towards me or anything slight, it unerves me and I start preparing for some kind of impending rejection.

I am so anal retentive about everything. Or maybe I just need to get laid.

INTENSE PAIN

Being a woman SUCKS ASS...

I am dying. Yeast infections are the worst hell on the planet. Well, yeast infections aren't so bad but the CURE IS AWFUL... Oh my god, I am in such incredible pain...

AUGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!


Also, I am watching the episode of That 70's Show where Eric et al. get high to 'dispose of the evidence' and it's really funny... except that I'm in SUCH pain that I can't laugh because I'm crying so hard... Also, I'm drunk. Except that it's NOT dulling the pain!! And if I drink any more, I'll puke. And that will be worse.


... This is hell. Men suck. Life sucks.

Also, Berkeley is giving me almost a third of my tuition free - $26,480. Not bad.

AUGGHH!!! PAIN!!!!

From the wikipedia:
Side effects (for the women's formulas) may include temporary burning/irritation of the vaginal area, moderate drowsiness, and headache similar to a sinus headache. Personal Product's 1-Day brand literature also includes upper respiratory infection in its list of side effects. These side effects may be only temporary, and do not interefere with the patient's comfort enough to outweigh the end result.


... LIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This pain is the WORST!!!


I am such a punk. I cannot handle this shit.

Cheap Is the Way To Go

So, apparently women live longer than men and save less money. What this means?

Wendy was right all along. Start building up those 401(k)s and saving intelligently. That means:

Wendy - no cabs
Flo - no books and/or law school
Akira - start making money

Half Marathon

Ever since I started running on a regular basis last year, I have held the long-term goal of running a marathon in the back of my mind. I was taking the train back home with a friend of mine, a hard core athlete who has run a marathon in the past and is currently training for a triathlon (running, biking, and swimming), when we started discussing exactly what it takes to run 26.2 miles. That's when it hit me - If I don't do this now, when will I do it? I've decided that I want to start with a half marathon, which is approximately 13 miles. I am going to pre-train starting tomorrow and officially start training next Monday.

Here is my schedule !

10-Week Half Marathon Training Schedule

Week	Mon	Tue	Wed	Thu	Fri	Sat	Sun	Total
1	3	Rest	3	3	Rest	4	Rest	13
2	3	Rest	4	3	Rest	5	Rest	15
3	3	Rest	4	3	Rest	6	Rest	16
4	3	Rest	5	3	Rest	8	Rest	19
5	3	Rest	5	3	Rest	10	Rest	21
6	4	Rest	5	4	Rest	11	Rest	24
7	4	Rest	6	4	Rest	12	Rest	26
8	4	Rest	5	4	Rest	9	Rest	22
9	3	Rest	4	3	Rest	8	Rest	18
10	3	Rest	3	Walk 2	Rest	13.1	Rest	21.1

I am trying to figure out where my desire to do this comes from. It's not all about losing weight or even necessarily about getting super fit (although it is a part of it) but more about pushing myself physically and mentally. It's about my being able to control what my body can do and not letting my body control what I can do. It's knowing that if I can run 13 miles and maybe someday even 26.2, then I can truly achieve anything I put my mind to.

Wish me Luck!

And as a celebration of things to come, I have just ordered a massive black-bean burrito, side of guacamole, and a whole bunch of fat-not-free sour cream. I have heartily stuffed my face and as I lie on my bed, attempting to find a comfortable position so as to delay vomiting all over the room for as long as possible, I daydream about what it will be like to cross that finish-line.

Computer Genius Am I

I just troubleshooted a printer at work. I feel a little too good about myself. Like because I did this I no longer have to do work for the rest of the day.

Is that a problem?

Naa